Thursday, July 31, 2014
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Sunday, January 19, 2014
What Lilith Showed Me...
Lilith ~
Bitch, demon, succubus, murderer of children, killer of babes, destruction of all things beautiful and whore to the devil.
Sound about right?
Well I had pretty much ignored Lilith up until a day or so ago when things got flipped on their head and I had to take another closer look at myself.
I did know there is such a thing as the "Lilith Fair" and a movie by that name. I did vaguely remember some mention of her on a side note in church a very long time ago. Yeah I don't do church anymore so in what reference she was mentioned I cannot recall.
I of course did some random research on the "web" and came across a lot of stuff, more than I had bargained for I must add. There are points astrologically that are called aspects of Lilith and supposedly in my chart I have all three aspects. Yeah for me, I guess. She is one of those goddess's that it seems to me has gotten a really bad name and reputation and if I wanted to be really snarky I could so blame it on the men. You know it is easy to blame it on them. After all they have totally ruled our lives and pretty much made everything a living hell. At least that is what we like to say to ourselves. Bear with me here, I am not pro feminist or non- feminist, I am starting to see that I am truly a women hell bent on living life her own damn way. Yep, no apologies there, as submitting to the "requirements" of our beloved society just does not sit well with me any more.
You see, I am kind of tired being told that I am a whore, because I love sex, a terrible mother, an extremely limited person if I do not
1. Jump through hoops ~ Where those hoops came from I have yet to still find out.
2. Dance the funky chicken!
3. Work Out ~ in order to fit my body into a size 6 dress because OMG I am plus size if I don't and I am not sexy or deserving of purchasing cute clothes or having sex.
4. Slave away at a job because that is what you do in order to be a responsible adult and take care of ALL my responsibilities.
5. FUN ~ What is that?
6. I can't have fun until I fulfill all other responsibilities and retire. On a side note, by the time that happens I honestly won't give a fuck!
7. I must have spent half my life in college getting a piece of paper in order to get a 50K a year job, so that 20 years from now I can retire knowing I made over 1 million! Do you know how old I will be in another 20 years? Seriously?
8. Oh and dreams, those are only for people who refuse to accept the reality of life. Work hard, make lots of money and you will really be fine. * I have issues with this one! I have watched my parents work hard, so hard and driven that their health is now suffering. They worked hard alright and it has not gotten them any where. I have worked hard up to this point in my life, and yes you know what it got me? NOTHING! Lots of experience in how not to do things!
Oh and last but not least! This one is my favorite honestly it is.I am a worth while person if other people like me, and I do everything in my power to make them happy with me.
Ok so where am I going with this?
Lilith saw herself as equal to Adam and demanded that she be treated as such. She saw herself as having just as much rights to life and sexual experience as Adam did. So because she refuses to "submit" She gets into trouble with God and so God decides to create another women from Adam's rib. So here is where it gets interesting : Adam is created from dust and so is Lilith where as Eve is created from Adams rib.Bet you didn't know that did ya!
So as I look into myself, I see a beautiful women who has had dreams from the time she can remember. I see a stunning women who has worked hard, taken care of those I love and I have done my best to keep the peace. I have not made myself larger than life, or demanded that life treat me fairly. I have grieved and shed tears over many beautiful people who have passed away. I have let go and released so much of my personal belongings to the point where I honestly do not have much in this world. I have fallen on my knees and begged God and who ever else to please answer my prayers and I in return have healed others using my hands.
And out of everything I have gained wisdom. Vast amounts of wisdom coupled with the realization that I as a human do not possess all the answers, solutions or means to solve my own problems. I am waking up to the fact that, it is better to stand my ground in what I know is rightfully mine than to submit to the pressures outside of myself to conform into the person that others believe I should be. I am beginning to see that I would rather be homeless, than swallow my true self and work my tail off in something that brings absolutely nothing but misery. And I deserve, absolutely deserve to expect my daily needs to be met, my desires to come to fruition and my dreams to manifest. I now understand that being Available to the abundance of all that exists within this universe and my infinite self is my true course in life.
The progress of Lilith is to change the ugly and negative into the beautiful aspects of herself without sacrificing her dignity, dreams, desires and longings. But to expect that as women we are just as powerful and deserving of Gods love and endowment of bounty as much as anyone else.
I am done with sacrificing! I am done with bending over backwards to please others at the expense of myself. I refiuse to submit to the illusion that dreams are only for children, nor am I willing to buy into the lie that working hard guarantees happiness and wealth. I am desire to gain more wisdom without the ego involved, and create the life that I know I deserve.
There is no longer a source of everything outside of myself. Not a job, my husband, my career, or selling my dresses. The source of abundance, joy and happiness resides within myself and my willingness to live fully and authentically as Me to the best of my ability, and last but not least, BE AVAILABLE TO EVERYTHING!
I choose to live as ME!
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