A designers tips to dressing your shape!

As a "big" girl for half of my life I have found that most "ready wear" clothing does not fit well.  I have shopped Lane Bryant, JC Penny, Torrid (when it was still in town) and hated every minute of it. I am not a cookie cutter gal and here is why.

I am large boned as my heritage is from Hawaii and the UK. Note they are not very small people. The queen of Hawaii stood over 6 feet tall and weighed close to 400 lbs. She was not fat, she was beautiful, strong and regal. The king was almost 7 feet tall and weighed over 400 lbs and yet you look at pictures of them and you would not even guess they were that large. Why? Because they were of non European blood lines and a physically strong people.

So I have very long arms for a woman my height. Even when I was tiny small, my arms were still too long for most dress's and shirts in the ready wear market. I also have very broad shoulders and large biceps that bulk up when I work out, or give lots of massages. My thighs are thick, I have broad hips and a nice round booty as well. A small waist with an ample bust and boom, I have a heck of a time finding clothing that flatters me, I feel comfy in and works for me. Since I have a waist, I try to find clothes that shows I do have one, otherwise I look like a very large football player! How do you think that makes me feel? Not so hot or sexy for that matter. So my staple of choice for the majority of my dressing career has been jeans, t-shirts and sweatshirts most of the time. Boring!

So here we go once again. Women who are wearing sizes larger then a 14 need to learn what will work for their bodies. As a seamstress and designer, I look at pictures of plus size women and go, wow what was she thinking? Not to be insulting or making fun of anyone, but every person has something beautiful about their bodies and most ready wear clothing in the average price range does not meet all those needs or criteria.

So here are some examples of what I am talking about. 

Example #1 Large Bust

 Problem 1. Dress does not support breasts

 Solution:  Purchase or have a gown/dress made that has heavier material and with boning built in. If you are over a DD bust size stretch material will not work. If your breasts are very heavy and have a tendency to sag down to your waist, you loose the beautiful curves. As a designer I am a strong advocate for support in the bust department. So wear a long line bra, or corset to keep the girls up, as well as show off the dress vs. the dress being pulled down and not sitting right on your body.

Problem 2.  Neckline and Large Busts
 A V-neck is good if your have breasts in the D cup or under department and here is why. An ample bust has a tendency to spill out of V-necks, or are too low and show way too much cleavage. Granted some women like that, but for formal events and red carpet debut, class goes a long ways. The girls will have ample opportunities to show off, but in a formal gown it does not work too well if your very large.

Solution: Rounded necklines, square necklines or angled necklines that cover one shoulder look really nice on large busts. This shape shows off the cleavage without being "too much" for a formal event.

Problem 3. Solid Color sleeves do not balance arms with the rest of body.
This dress is beautiful, the bottom is gorgeous but the top really lacks. The reason why is, for this particular women, her bust line is all you see. Yes maybe I am sounding like the gal on "What Not to Wear" but lets get serious women. Style is all about what works for you, and not every other person. This dress top needs sleeves that will bring her arms into the picture. They are so plain and fitted to her arm that well it almost looks like her arms are missing.

Solution: Have sleeves that balance the dress out with your body. If your big busted then have sleeves that are fuller, float and highlight your arms as well.

Problem 4. Length on petite women - If you are short, meaning you fall in the petite category in the height department, then have your gowns barely touch the floor. The pooling fabric on the ground tends to make shorter women look well shorter. I am not sure why but that is just how it is. Granted if you are 5'10 or taller pooling fabric looks fab on them. Yes I know it really is not fair!  Have your dress hemmed while you are in the shoes you are going to wear to your event. You want the hem to just skim the top of your toes, so get a pedicure, buy so stunning shoes and enjoy your night out on the town!

Example #2 Non Definable Waist

 Problem #1 Design on dress creates illusion of a very large Square.
Because this woman is what I would call a rectangle shape, meaning she does not have much definition between waist, shoulders or hips a dress such as  does not really work. 

Solution - This body shape looks amazing in dresses that define where a waist should be. So two tones, in an empire style, a solid color top and pattern on the bottom also works well. Also angled cuts in the dress with some fullness on the bottom to make the waist look smaller.

Example 3 Full upper body/tummy and small legs

Problem 3 If your full up top but have smaller legs in comparison to the rest of your body a slinky dress such as this is not as flattering as it could be. Also rouching over large tummies makes tummy's look larger, not smaller and as we all know dressing is all about creating an illusion. 

Designers Solution: If you have a body like this, you need fullness in the bottom half of the dress. I would add fullness just as the hips and take away the horizontal gathering as it adds more bulk to an already full shape. To compliment this shape, showing bust curves, using empire style waist dress with fullness over the belly that floats, and does not cling. You want to create long vertical lines, which are always slimming as well as drawing the eye away from problem areas.

In conclusion every body is different and as much as we love ready wear, if you are needing a dress for that special event, I would suggest spending the money to have one made for you. Over all having a custom made gown, that supports, flatters and shows your body off at its best will in turn make you feel amazing. After all, it is about feeling amazing for those special moments and occasions. Even if you feel you cannot afford it, can you not afford to look and feel your best?

I think every woman if she really desired would spend the money to have that perfect gown. Life is just too short to not look like a queen at least once in your life. Money should not be the limitation for your feeling beautiful, special, a princess or queen! If you really desire it, then it will show up in your life. Make the promise to yourself that feeling gorgeous and stunning is after all way more fun then worrying about the cost of that gown. We use money as an excuse to not appear as beautiful, powerful and amazing women. Make that commitment to stop using excuses and start living an amazing life!

SONP Submission #2

So here is my second project, which took longer then a week. So for starters my sister asked me to make her a dress that she could wear while she is working. My sister is a professional photographer and so she needed room to move, arm holes that did not hinder or restrain her from doing her fantastic job. If you want to take a peak at her work, check her out at Julie K Photo, you might get lucky and catch a shot of her working in her dress.

Anyway, she lives in California so I put the dress on my form and took the shot!

The fabric was mean! I will say this, using polyester silk is not for regular sewing machines without the right feet for hemming or a serger. There I said it. I am so glad I was able to solve the problems that the material presented but I would rather work with natural fibers, especially after this one.

So here it is...

Multi Color Poly 

I got the pattern from a Simple sew shirt/blouse idea and I just added length and some width to get the dress length. That was the easy part and it was fun to watch it slowly take shape.

Dark Blue Ribbon on bottom hem and sleeve hem

Dark Ribbon Tie 

Elastic neckline

So hopefully I will have dress/skirt  number three up in the next day or so and then onto number 4! 

What the F&$*?

I must start this off with, it has been a while and a lot of water has traveled under the bridge! I am truly grateful that things do change constantly and that as time passes I am learning how to go with the flow a little better.

Now for the insinuated four letter word. Yes I know it is more then not a useless word but in this case I feel I have the right to use it and here is why.

I have for the majority of my life worried and fretted, stewed and mourned how I affected people. Here is a good example. 

I make a comment or ask a question and the other person either  1. Rolls their eyes, 2. Sighs with utmost exaggeration, 3.  Does what you suggested with body language the screams they are doing this because they Have too...

You get the picture!

We go through this all the time and as women, who are for the most part,are, more sensitive about what their partners, friends, family or even social media people think about them. So if that person reacts with verbal insult, bullying, passive aggressive behavior etc. We tend to retreat into our turtle shell, apologize and feel horrible about it all the time. We then hash it over, talk about how horrible that person is or was, cry and stress about it, all while trying to not repeat that offending behavior.

But the realization hit me hard today. What the Fuck! I am I giving my power away to another person just so that I can appease them and make them feel better? REALLY?  So what if he or she is my partner. So what if you really do love them, they still have no rights to your power! Your power is yours not theirs, not anyone's and if they have a shit fit because of a fear they may have, it is not your job to run to the alter of "them" and start sacrificing your own self so that they will feel better and life will be hunky dory!!

So this time I stood up for myself. Yes I was angry at myself and him for once again going into this war zone. But I stopped it, I said my piece and I left it at that. And you know what? I FEEL FUCKING AMAZING! I feel light and free. I am not holding grudges or re-hashing the whole thing because I feel cheated or abused. I am not a victim here nor am I supplicant with a dead animal, food, flowers and money to appease the god that I live with or love. I am who I am! I am a woman in her own right and with her own power.

Which means now, I too must be aware of things I say or do that would subconsciously require him to kneel at the alter of me in order for me to "feel" happy with life. Fuck no! That is not how this works, ladies. We desire our man or partners to want to kneel at our feet and worship from LOVE and not FEAR. We desire our men/partners to feel safe and loved, nurtured and desired, not running out in the middle of the night killing that lamb so that hopefully the wrath of the Goddess will be appeased and he/she won't come back with hair singed and something missing! That would just not be cool...

What sort of Goddess would I be if that was all I did? Yes granted there is a place for wrath or righteous anger but not as a control mechanism or manipulation for adoration and worship.

The Bible puts it pretty simply. Treat others as you desire to be treated. Pretty simple hey? But for what ever reason, especially in intimate relationships we forget that gem of wisdom. So ladies, stop the vague communication and speak your minds. Be direct and open with what you say and why you are saying it. Open up the communication lines so that both parties at least get an idea of what is going on and be open to him or her not really liking it. That is ok. Your freedom and peace of mind does not depend on how they take what you say. Since when have the gods spoken to mere mortals and the mortals get it? Not too often, it does take some time! And  be patient with yourself, and especially don't beat yourself up if he or she pops a coronary or has a heart attack. Take them to ER and then continue with the direction you are going. Who knows, maybe that coronary was what they needed to wake up within themselves. A reality check never hurt anyone, because seriously it is not going to kill you! Trust me, I know... lol

So laugh a little, make jokes of your OCD issues and get the fuck over yourself!~

Madonna or Cleopatra?

Our society has a very interesting point of view in regards to dressing. For example if your a little loose in the morals department, you would dress in revealing clothing, show more skin then was appropriate etc. Our husbands and partners are more than likely to be stolen by such loose women. After all it is all about sex appeal, because honestly that is what men are really after.

UN-realistic expectations

Reality of being a modern wife...

Well I don't buy it and here is the reason why. I was the "other" women for several years, and I did not dress any different than I dress now. Granted I dressed up more, went out more and wore dresses more, with nice undies underneath. But how I dressed had nothing to do with loose morals. You might say that I had very loose morals after all why would I date a married man? I dated married men because I did not want a traditional relationship. I liked the freedom of having fun, going out for dinner, and having really amazing conversations with adults. I did not want him as my partner, I wanted to have fun. And I wanted to really gain a grasp on why men chose to cheat on their wives.

Yes I can hear the screaming now! But I am here to tell you not to pay attention the  scantily clad women as potential threats to your marriage. I am saying to pay attention to yourself and what really causes good, honest men, who love their wives and children to cheat. YES I did say love their wives because they do!
 He will not stray if he is happy at home. Happy at home, with wife and kids, his career and friends, activities and unless he is desperate, a good husband will not stray.  But what is happy to a man?

The number one complaint that I heard from all of the men I spent time with consisted of this. "She is no longer interested in sex or romance with me." Now hold onto your hats ladies because this is something that our mothers, grandmothers and other women have not shared with us.

In order for men to connect emotionally with their wife, they must be able to participate in sexual activity, a lot! But they will loose interest in their wives if: She no longer shows interest when they are together, and a good husband will not force the issue. They will bite their lip, and not say anything when they are refused. They view refusal as, the constant list of things she wants him to do when he is home, how the kids did or did not do well at school. He views refusal as the bedtime routine that most couples follow when they have been together for a while. He views refusal as you not jumping his bones when he walks in the room. He views dis-interest in him  by your not listening to him, period.

Sounds silly right? But it is not and it is very serious for men. They can hold out for long periods of time, they can even go years and years of marriage before they finally have that fling.  But what if you are emotionally insecure about yourself? What if he has been trying to support you, encourage you in your self and maybe even rescue you if you will and you refuse to receive his efforts? What if he told you that you looked beautiful and he desired you and all you did was growl about your sagging ass, wide hips and thighs? Or that belly over hang that you absolutely hate? What if he did not care how your body looked per-say because he loved you? What if all he wanted to do was just touch you, caress your skin and melt with you so that he can emotionally open up to you? What if all he wanted and needed was for you to sit and listen to him, without your insecurities and fears raising their ugly head so that he too could express how he feels?

Kind of a tough pill to swallow! I know because as a wife I fall into that above listed questions. I find that my stories of how a wife is supposed to be, behave, act, react and all the jobs that are we are some how engrained to follow, and we find ourselves upset, angry and frustrated with our spouse when he begins to retreat. It is ironic because I was married before and my first husband cheated on me along with other things. But after six years he left and moved in with the other women. I was devastated, broken and had no clue what or who I was. After a few years of healing I figured I needed to know why men cheat and so the "study" began. I found it was easy to date married men as most of them did not want a relationship with me other then the mistress. Worked great for me because I could go do what ever I wanted, when I wanted it without the constant checking up on me that the ex husband used to do. It worked for him as well. He could have the experience of fun sex, have good conversations about things other than the kids, bills, and his responsibilities. We could talk about philosophy, politics, religion, history, the latest wars and reasons, the cool thing he read in Time or the New Yorker.

And then I fell in love and broke my own rules and allowed my heart to open up to a really awesome guy. But hello, I have those conversations about my hips and thighs, he tells me that he loves me and desires me and I poo poo it. How could you want someone shaped like me? And yet, men before wanted me and wanted me bad! I find that a lot of time I am not interested in sex, because I am tired, or I have a million and one other things to do. It has only been recent that I am dressing more vs jeans and t-shirts which I am sorry never really make you feel sexy and sensual.

So what changed?

The story changed! The job description changed, that's all.  And how vulnerable women really want to be...

A mistress is vulnerable. She allows him to see her naked, scantily clad, and emotionally open to his advances. She prepares for his advances and looks forward to his touch. She anticipates his smile, craves his touch and thinks of nothing other then being with him for those few moments.She cuddles with him and calls him silly names, and all those other annoying things married women roll their eyes at. She is woman and if she is good, she knows how to play it. She exaggerates her gratitude for his helping her do something, and knows how to stroke his male ego just enough to get what she wants. She is the Marilyn Monroe - the all woman who "needs" a man to fulfill her life. And even if she has the IQ of a genius, educated and a career women, she knows and understands the power of the feminine to not only satisfy him but herself as well.
A mistress listens, supports, and makes the moment with her all about him. And men eat it up, even if he has been married a very long time.

 Married men hardly ever leave their wives, especially if they never get caught. The media has a tendency to distort things like that. Married men talk about their wives, their family, their fears and frustrations. They have fantastic fun spontaneous sex, they take some risk and then they go home. They feel guilty about it, hate that they have to do it on a level, but because if she is a good mistress, he will come back for more....


Until things change, until the wife realizes that something is wrong. But what usually transpires is he is caught, the emotional upheaval begins and the relationship usually falls apart. There is anger, rage, and rightly so for both parties have betrayed each other.

They have betrayed themselves by an unwillingness to listen and acknowledge that both have done their best with the information that they have had up to that point.  They have held expectations that they have not been able to meet. They have held onto stories about who they are, and what roles they were supposed to play. They have both worn a million hats, donned the super hero cape and tried to be lovers when exhausted. They have lost their vision and dreams and he knows he can no longer be the knight in shining armor and she is the old hag and not the pretty princess. They do not understand the importance of their own unique power and that it is not a war or battle field but a garden that each person has an important part in the function of that amazing and beautiful space.

But as women we have the responsibility to be willing to find out who we really are and what we want and desire from life. In order for change to occur it must start from within you, not the person who you think needs to change. If you are not happy with yourself, you will not be happy, loving or patient with your husband, kids, pets, other drivers, annoying friends etc. If you tear yourself up because you believe that you are not perfect, your body sags in places, then maybe its time to learn how to be gentle with yourself.
 
We have to get over ourselves. Seriously women do. We have to start asking the questions of why we are not happy, what is lacking, what were your dreams and why things may not always been working the way you want or desire them too. I know many women who are stunned at their husbands affair. They cannot wrap their minds around it because they have DONE everything to support, love, take care of kids, do his laundry, help earn the money, take kids to sporting events, and the list goes on and on.

So how do you affair proof your marriage?

Make time every morning and every evening to be grateful. If you are grateful you will also find that gratitude influencing everything in your life.  

1. Start  looking at yourself and taking responsibility for your actions and behaviors.
2. Sit down and shut up and pay attention to your inner self and what your god, goddess, Buddha or other belief system is saying. Ask questions about your past stories and belief systems. If it not working, find one that is and give yourself room to grow.
3. Allow yourself to be feminine - wear more dresses, skirts and clothing that feels good to you!
4. A little make up and jewelry goes a long way because it makes you feel good. Notice I am giving you a list of things that can make you feel amazing and good.
5. Trust yourself and relax a little on the house keeping, laundry and kids.
6. Do something that you love to do, painting, music, gardening etc.
7. Give your self kudo's for everything that you feel you accomplished, a pat on the back never hurt anyone.
8. Lighten up and have some fun!
9. Buy yourself flowers, that piece of jewelry you have been dying for instead of hinting to hubby and getting pissed off because he didn't get the subtle hints!
10. Stop the nagging when he does not respond a nano second when asked.
11. Learn how to do an amazing BJ because you desire to pleasure your man, not because you have too. If you feel you have too, he will know and it will not be as much fun for him. Trust me, most men feel horrible when you do something because you Have too!
12. Find a perfume or natural scent that gets your sense's tingling, gives you some chills or sends you into Euphoria.
13. Send naughty text messages and Follow through!
14. Loosen up on the modesty and find what feels good to you when out in public. That could be no panties, a thong, g-string, lace boy cuts.
15. In relation to number 14, start a lingerie  collection because you love the feeling of lace and satin against your skin.
16. Last but not least - learn how to play and have fun again.

Your husband will be shocked at your transformation and so will you! Be willing to receive his love, his way instead of what you think it should be. And be patient and loving with yourself first and foremost. Stop the torture and self loathing, the quest for that illusion of perfection and become once again that young beautiful women that he originally fell in love with.

So I am most certainly not writing this from the pointing fingers point of view, or that I have all the answers. I am writing from what I have experienced and am experiencing now! I have sat and I do sit on both sides of the table, and yes there are times where I do not care how he feels about anything. Its normal, its human and its ok as long as the both of you can communicate that. Everything we do, and experience whether positive or negative is not Wrong or Right. It is for the express experience in gaining wisdom, learning to see and love yourself.

So if you desire to be happy, and be at peace, start with yourself and how you view life. It could most certainly change everything and create an amazing life that you had only hoped for!

A side note: There is so much to this topic that I am sure I will write more on it...there is no way to put every relationship and affair into a nutshell as each couple and people are different. But from my experience over the years there are certain patterns and stories that stand out. And so I hope to accomplish with this blog and others that follow, a way from women to begin living their lives for themselves, enjoying the love of their husbands and families and be willing to receive, let go of control and fear and love living a fully dimensional life! 

Week 1 of SONP 2013 Project

So I finished my skirt today! Yes finally got it done as it seemed to get put on the back burner until well yesterday. I decided to do a quick wrap around skirt as that seemed the easiest and fastest way to make a quick and cute skirt. I must say it turned out interesting as my waist is smaller than my hip ratio.  So I will have to take it in with a few darts in the back.

My hubby took the picture in my parents back yard, figured flowers might make the picture more interesting. 

Anyway, here it is gals. It was fun to make but I will certainly do things a little differently next time. As the pattern I used from a suggestion online is most certainly not made for those of us who are blessed with hips and booty.  I do like how it feels though, the material is light and I can sit in it without things pulling in places that it should not be pulling. I have always found it a great frustration in regards to my booty and hips with most straight clothing, hence knit works really well. But seriously knit gets old after a while and I thought color might just do me some good.

So we shall see what I decide to do for this next project. I may just make my moms skirt and have her prance around in it for pictures. Although I am in some serious need of a few new pieces for summer. 

What's My Style?

I am asking myself this question, especially as I sew and create more clothing for other people. It seems silly to promote style, fashion and beautiful clothing when I myself have not worn anything too different since my twenties. So here I am at forty years of age and wondering, what in the world is my style? Do I even have one?

I have always been a practical gal. I love comfort, ease of movement and clothes that do not squeeze, pinch or other non fun  things. When I was twenty-four, I was very active, I ran several miles a day, worked out, and on weekends went hiking, mountain biking, trips to the beach with sister and friends. I moved, physically moved most of the day and my job also required me to be active. So I wore shorts, it was California after all, and I could wear shorts most of the year. Which was wonderful because running in the rain is fun in shorts, it sucks in anything else.I wore nice dresses, skirts or slacks to church with some pretty awesome heels and I felt amazing. Short cute skirt with button up blouses in white cotton for the summer heat, and silk flowing blouses for other times. I knew what I liked and it fit me, so yes I was a happy camper.

Fast forward about a decade. A horrible marriage, some serious weight gain, a dramatic divorce and several years of recovery I found myself back in college. So pretty simple there, jeans, shorts, t-shirts and hoodies. I had no desire to stand out too much because I was going to fix my life and be able to financially take care of myself. Ha, well that has yet to happen but that is besides the point.

I then went to Massage Therapy school and once again, it was shorts and t-shirts. I had lost some weight so found a couple of dresses I could tolerate, but if you were to ask me what was my style? I would not be able to tell you. I was more survive, get through school and some how manage to feed myself, pay bills, work     two jobs and go to school.

I can honestly say that over the last well 16 years I have not had a style. I wore what worked and as my weight went up and down depending on the stress of my life, I gave up even trying.

I have beautiful heels in my closet that I barely wear. One black pair of slacks, one sparkle top, one dot dress that really doesn't fit well anymore and the rest of the time its leggings, t-shirts, and one blue knit skirt for banging around and one black one that I made out of desperation.

Make-up? What is that? It sits on my counter and I hardly touch it. I guess you could say I am style depressed. Is that a term?

So as I put clothing together on Polyvore, point out prints that would look beautiful on my friends and sisters. Create amazing dresses and outfits for others, I feel like a fraud. How can I do this for everyone one else but myself?  That is truly a question that I am pondering. I did purchase a bold type cotton print to create a wrap skirt for myself. That is going up on the Summer of No Pants Challenge Board hopefully today. But now the question is what do I wear with it? I suppose I will have to do some shopping and look around.

So ladies this blog and sewing for others is forcing me to take a look at myself. I am starting to ask the questions and I hope that as I travel this interesting road that my crazy adventures and journey will in some way help you too. So to myself and to you, do not despair, give yourself time and maybe find one thing that will break the mold a tad. I did, I purchased material I would not have worn in a million years. But you know I am excited to see what I can do with it and how I will look in it, once I have the skirt and outfit put together!

Breaking the Mold

Breaking the Mold by jeannine-kalua featuring embroidered jewelry