What Is Love?
I thought I might share what I have learned thus far about relationships as it seems some younger women have a very distorted view. So here are some of the lessons I have learned from my own marriage, the many dating relationships I had before I was married, as well as watching others relationships.
- A perfect relationship is only as perfect as you believe it to be.
- Being alone still exists within a marriage or partnership.
- Desperation for affection only drives the other person away.
- Whining and complaining all the time only makes others angry.
- Hollywood romance is just that, Hollywood.
- Demanding from your partner more than you give gets old really quick.
- A good man will tell you that you look beautiful even when you don't feel like it.
- A good man will stare into his phone, computer, games or other such hobbies even when you have had an awful day.
- A good man will ignore his dirty laundry, the sobbing kids, the piles of dishes in the sink.
- A good man listens to you cry and fall apart, and then tells you how to solve the problem. They solve problems, they don't get all Girlfriend on you. The quicker you learn that the better your partnership will be.
- A good wife or partner speaks clearly on what she wants and needs from him or her. ( still working on this one.)
- A good man does not understand body language or flapping hands, ranting or raving in mono syllables. They are literal and require you to be a little more clear.
- A good man gets nervous when you call him by his first and last name.
- You will get angry. You will loose your temper and you will want to throw him and all his stuff out the front door. This could happen on more occasions then one is willing to admit.
- If he is a good man he will defend his mother when you get pissed at her. If he did not then he will not defend you to his friends or co-workers.
- A healthy relationship requires both parties to participate in sex. Yes this does mean a BJ one in a while.
- Affection is you giving him a BJ in the bathroom or under his desk.
- Wear an apron and nothing underneath to shock the living crap out of him.
- Flirt and loosen up a bit.
- Being a bitch to other people is not a turn on to a good man.
- Respecting yourself is a huge turn on and you feel amazing as well.
- A win win relationship is where both people shut up and let the other person talk, share, and be vulnerable.
- Vulnerability is you sitting quietly while he blows his top at you. It is listening to his rantings and ravings and finding that you love him more now then you did ten seconds ago.
- Vulnerability is trusting your heart and letting go of the baggage.
- Count yourself lucky when he brings flowers home and cooks a meal. Make a huge deal about it, and be sincere. Appreciation and gratitude goes a long way in the day to day haul of a marriage.
- Don't require him to be a woman, he is supposed to be a man.
- Tell him how much you love him and then show him how much you desire and crave him.
- Be fun again, laugh, smile, play and flirt. After a few years of the same person we forget and relationships get stale.
- Marriage is a daily experience, it is never the same if you are willing to experience your love in a new way every day.
- And last but not least, GET OVER YOURSELF. Let the too fat, too ugly, I hate my job, I hate my life, the neighbor sucks, the car that cut me off, drama; just let go. Take a deep breath and enjoy a moment to be grateful for all the amazing things you have experienced thus far.
Just a few tidbits that I have learned the hard way!
A relationship was not made to meet/satisfy the "tired of being alone" mantra. Relationships were made for personal growth, maturity, seeing yourself and all your truly amazing flaws in technicolor. Relationships were created to learn the process of vulnerability, trust, and character development. They were created for all of us to learn how to become our true selves. The moment we "get over" the stereotype/ fairytale concepts of love, the better off we will be. Love is always changing, growing, dying and reappearing again when the sun is out the frost has faded away. But the most important lesson of relationship is loving yourself no matter how angry you are, they are, the kids are or your parents and in-laws. It is about communication and learning how to be sympathetic and willing to listen instead of defending your point of view or territory. It is also patience and forgiveness and being each others best friend. An honest relationship allows your Knight in shining armor to fall off his horse and be the real person that you fell in love with. After all didn't you want him to love you just as you are?
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