I must start this off with, it has been a while and a lot of water has traveled under the bridge! I am truly grateful that things do change constantly and that as time passes I am learning how to go with the flow a little better.
Now for the insinuated four letter word. Yes I know it is more then not a useless word but in this case I feel I have the right to use it and here is why.
I have for the majority of my life worried and fretted, stewed and mourned how I affected people. Here is a good example.
I make a comment or ask a question and the other person either 1. Rolls their eyes, 2. Sighs with utmost exaggeration, 3. Does what you suggested with body language the screams they are doing this because they Have too...
You get the picture!
We go through this all the time and as women, who are for the most part,are, more sensitive about what their partners, friends, family or even social media people think about them. So if that person reacts with verbal insult, bullying, passive aggressive behavior etc. We tend to retreat into our turtle shell, apologize and feel horrible about it all the time. We then hash it over, talk about how horrible that person is or was, cry and stress about it, all while trying to not repeat that offending behavior.
But the realization hit me hard today. What the Fuck! I am I giving my power away to another person just so that I can appease them and make them feel better? REALLY? So what if he or she is my partner. So what if you really do love them, they still have no rights to your power! Your power is yours not theirs, not anyone's and if they have a shit fit because of a fear they may have, it is not your job to run to the alter of "them" and start sacrificing your own self so that they will feel better and life will be hunky dory!!
So this time I stood up for myself. Yes I was angry at myself and him for once again going into this war zone. But I stopped it, I said my piece and I left it at that. And you know what? I FEEL FUCKING AMAZING! I feel light and free. I am not holding grudges or re-hashing the whole thing because I feel cheated or abused. I am not a victim here nor am I supplicant with a dead animal, food, flowers and money to appease the god that I live with or love. I am who I am! I am a woman in her own right and with her own power.
Which means now, I too must be aware of things I say or do that would subconsciously require him to kneel at the alter of me in order for me to "feel" happy with life. Fuck no! That is not how this works, ladies. We desire our man or partners to want to kneel at our feet and worship from LOVE and not FEAR. We desire our men/partners to feel safe and loved, nurtured and desired, not running out in the middle of the night killing that lamb so that hopefully the wrath of the Goddess will be appeased and he/she won't come back with hair singed and something missing! That would just not be cool...
What sort of Goddess would I be if that was all I did? Yes granted there is a place for wrath or righteous anger but not as a control mechanism or manipulation for adoration and worship.
The Bible puts it pretty simply. Treat others as you desire to be treated. Pretty simple hey? But for what ever reason, especially in intimate relationships we forget that gem of wisdom. So ladies, stop the vague communication and speak your minds. Be direct and open with what you say and why you are saying it. Open up the communication lines so that both parties at least get an idea of what is going on and be open to him or her not really liking it. That is ok. Your freedom and peace of mind does not depend on how they take what you say. Since when have the gods spoken to mere mortals and the mortals get it? Not too often, it does take some time! And be patient with yourself, and especially don't beat yourself up if he or she pops a coronary or has a heart attack. Take them to ER and then continue with the direction you are going. Who knows, maybe that coronary was what they needed to wake up within themselves. A reality check never hurt anyone, because seriously it is not going to kill you! Trust me, I know... lol
So laugh a little, make jokes of your OCD issues and get the fuck over yourself!~
No comments:
Post a Comment